Effective Immediately

A famous person once said: “There are some women who do not belong in the kitchen. And by some women, I mean Katie Schutzkus.”

While that famous person may or may not be myself, it’s still a true statement. Observe:

My mom bought me a bunch of frozen dinners for my apartment at school, as she knows my aptitude (or lack thereof) with cookery. One such meal was a garlic chicken breast, smothered in a white sauce, over some cheese ravioli with a side of steamed broccoli. Sounds pretty much like yum and I wanted it for dinner.

The instructions informed me to simply place the brown paper bag in which your dinner is kept into the oven for 30-32 minutes at 350 degrees. Once done, you cut open the bag and pour out your Italian delight. Sounds like something a Presidential Scholar is capable of.

Oh wait, but my roommate (who can actually cook) was making sesame seed chicken in the oven at this time. And I was really hungry. So, let’s change oven to toaster oven (aka a real life Easy Bake Oven) and we’ll be on our way. With that said, I placed my bag into the toaster oven and walked into my bedroom to write a paper.

Three minutes later, my roommate yelled over, “Um. Katie?! Your dinner’s on fire!” Totally not surprised (because surprise is not my forte), I walked into the kitchen to see my garlic chicken breast, smothered in a white sauce, over some cheese ravioli with a side of steamed broccoli in flames. Not just any flames, though. Green flames. 

I don’t even want to know what they put in that broccoli.

Naturally, I just stood looking at the fire for some time, saying “Oh greaaaaaaaaaaat”. My roommate then pointed out that the flames were getting bigger, so I grabbed my cup of water and, with a flick of my wrist, prevented the Great Bloomington-Normal Fire of ‘12 (you’re welcome, it was my pleasure).

Needless to say, I had a sandwich for dinner that night. And I read the directions over and over again, completely in awe/anger that my dinner went up in flames due to my following of the instructions. I did everything right! Who cares that I used a toaster oven, which technically put the paper bag in closer proximity to the burning coils which made it set on fire? This is the 21st century! They should have thought of that!

I discovered later that day that there were microwave instructions on the bottom right-hand side of the package. My other frozen dinners were quite delicious, thanks for asking. 

Question: What’s the best thing to do on a study break?

Answer: TOTALLY REDO YOUR TUMBLR, OF COURSE.

I had to do some hard-core pondering outside in the wee hours of the morning today, because I have definitely become a Nasty McNasty pants recently. This mood would correspond with the ratio of work I have to do to work I do not enjoy (which at this point is 1000:1000).

I realized, though, that I relax and find inspiration by viewing others’ blogs. And maybe (just maybe) I will find motivation by doing my own blog. 

So, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY - I shall blog about accomplishing my most immediate goals which are:

• Graduate from college in May
• Make a significant amount of money
• Get a job that will be willing to give me a work visa
• Move to Scotland
• Become a successful comedienne

And all the stuff in between. 

Wow. The motivation is pumping through me already!
(No, wait… that would be the coffee, never mind.) 

See, like…

The world’s this great, big, awe-inspiring place full of more mind-blowing wonders and more amazing people than you think it’s even possible to be full of…

And some people will never experience these things and never meet these other people, because we’re coerced into staying indoors to better accomplish the same paperwork that has already been done before over and over again for the rest of our lives…

And we call living the latter life one of success…

I dunno. I don’t know what my point is. 

We just need to stop doing that.